Sarah Palin appeared on Saturday Night Live last night. Read the complete transcript. See videos below.
Palin Raps
Partial transcript below:
JASON SUDEIKIS - "Good evening, I'm Tim Lydecker Sarah Palin's spokesman and we're very excited to be holding the Governor's first official press conference. Now tonight, nothing is off-limits while at the same time, I urge you guys to 'be cool.' Seriously guys just be cool. And one last thing: no recording devices and don't write anything down."
(Gathered "reporters" react)
SUDEIKIS - "Worth a shot. Can't blame me for trying. Without further ado, I present Governor Sarah Palin."
(TINA FEY enters as GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN)
FEY AS GOV. PALIN - "First off, I just want to say how excited I am to be in front of both the liberal elite media as well as the liberal regular media. I am lookin' forward to a portion of your questions, so let's get started. Yes, you?"
FRED ARMISEN (as reporter):
"What were your thoughts on Senator McCain's debate performance Wednesday?"
FEY AS GOV. PALIN --
You know, I just thought he was great. Because the American people are angry. And John McCain is angry too. And you can tell he's angry by the way he sighs and
grits his teeth and he's always goin' like (MAKES FACE AND GROWLING NOISE). And that Barack Obama? Well if he's angry, I certainly can't tell. His voice is smooth and when he's talkin' it's like an angel whispering in your ear. He makes John McCain sound like a garbage truck unloading trash at a landfill. So to answer your question, yes, I think John McCain did great. You guy?
WILL FORTE (as reporter) - "At a rally in North Carolina this week you said that you like to visit the quote pro-America parts of the country. Are there parts of the country that you consider un-American?
FEY AS GOV. PALIN - Y'know , that was just my lame attempt at a joke. But um, yes - New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Delaware and California (SHE GIVES A THUMBS DOWN). But then also too you have states like Ohio and Pennsylvania and Florida which could be real real anti-American or real real pro-American. It's up to them. (SHE winks) And now I'd like to entertain
everybody with some fancy pageant walkin.'
(CUT TO: "SNL" Executive Producer LORNE MICHAELS and the real GOVERNOR SARAH
PALIN standing next to a monitor watching the scene)
MICHAELS - "I really wish that that had been you."
GOV. PALIN - "Well, Lorne, you know, I just didn't think it was a realistic
depiction of how one of my press conferences woulda gone."
MICHAELS - "Yes, but it's obviously it's a heightened reality."
GOV. PALIN - "Why couldn't we do the '30 Rock' sketch I wrote?"
MICHAELS - "Honestly, not enough people know that show."
(MARK WAHLBERG ENTERS)
WAHLBERG - "Hey, Lorne?"
MICHAELS - "Mark!"
WAHLBERG -I'm looking for Andy Samberg. Where is he?"
MICHAELS - "Mark, that was all in good fun."
WAHLBERG -- "Are you gonna make me bust your head open too? Because I will.
Where is he?"
MICHAELS - "Third dressing room on the left."
MW - Thank you
(WAHLBERG storms off)
MICHAELS -- He didn't like the impression we did of him on the show.
GOV. PALIN - "Tell me about it."
No comments:
Post a Comment